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Once we were settled we never talked much besides quick updates about work and the living situation or deciding who would go shopping. After some time it became clear that we were holding back our emotions, refusing to talk about our anger at my dad, refusing to talk about the grief of his death and his confusion.We tried to deal with this and there were bursts of sobbing, of manic pacing and chattering, of calls during breaks at work when one of us would call the other and recall something about my dad that we now thought was suspect or had never liked but never had been able to talk about.It was a very dark time. Nebraska has cold, cold winters, and there was nowhere to go in town, or anywhere nearby out of town. I began to drink too much, and then stopped because I couldn't afford the drinks alone, let alone a drinking habit that got out of control.Then, the first spring there, after about eight months of living there, we stopped talking about him. It didn't feel like we had dealt. Last week I locked Patricia's brain. They all look pretty similar. They are fantastic neural networks, full of convolutions, structures and neural activity. But all of that is just the foundation. Side by side with all the neural activity is the most amazing thing in the universe... It's some sort of self-organizing resonance of light, billions of billions of virtual photons resonating and self-organizing in the water in the brain's micro-tubular threads..." You can see this phenomenon in your brain?"I nodded. "Very dimly; it's totally un-lockable. Fortunately it travels with the brain. I don't need to lock it before moving my body. Melanie, I see it your brain too, Patricia's too." Oh... But do you at least see a difference in your brain?" No, not really..." Huh? But you are so different." I suppose... but I can't see any difference. The resonance phenomenon is totally un- lockable, I can't sense much more than the fact it's there, but your mind and Patricia's feel just like mine.".
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